Some people aren't just missing the odd screw. The whole freakin toolbox is gone

I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday you really pissed me off.

The older you get, the better you get. unless you're a banana

I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire

To Find a woman you need Time and Money Therefore : Woman = Time x Money. Time is Money so Time = Money. Therefore Woman = Money x Money Woman = ( Money ) 2 Money is the root of all problems Money = Problems Therefore Women = Problems